Abuja City Gate (Google Arts & Culture).
You are at a shopping complex watching your laptop get fixed. Ayra Starr’s album is a few days away and the article needs to be ready. It is hard to concentrate on the man working in front of you because there is chaos. You never pegged Abuja as noisy so you ask around. You are in Abuja for many reasons and one is to explore the city as a true crime destination.
Every person you ask tells you a different version of the same story. Some soldiers got beat, and soldiers retaliated. You have only been in The Buj for 2 hours and here is your first destination. Welcome to The Buj.
It is quiet uptown, the people speak softer, the cars seldom honk, and Yoruba is not spoken casually. Abuja feels like Lagos from a different dimension, the similarities are stark; a large Vento building at a crossroad, eateries that run 24/7, and auto rickshaws (Keke) banned from major roads.
The differences, unnerving; cars often run the red lights, people do not wake up early and the kilishi tastes great. Suburban legends say dating is hopeless in both cities, everyone is promiscuous. But only in one are you more likely to watch your boyfriend get arrested on the grounds of money laundering.
Like Molly to Lagos and Cocaine to Abuja, so are their crimes— they prefer the luxurious stuff. This makes it a perfect destination for true crime fans. Let’s address the cow in the room.
YOU ARE PROBABLY WRONG ABOUT TRUE CRIME:
The True Crime community is a controversial one and predominantly, that stems from a miscommunication. The word true crime often translates as serial killer to people. While there have been an astounding number of documented serial killers, these make up a small number of crimes in a society. Crimes such as robbery, tax evasion, insider trading, money laundering, and embezzlement happen largely.
True crime has been documented since the 16th and 17th centuries. The 19th century saw sensationalized crime reporting, and the 20th century witnessed a rise in true crime media. Our ancestors’ interest in true crime dates back to 1800 BCE in Egypt, and similar storytelling traditions existed in other cultures, often passed orally. Early works, like “The Triumphe of God’s Revenge Against the Crying and Execrable Sinn of Murther” (1635), often presented the crimes as a way to show divine punishment for sin.
It is typical to use True Crime to scare kids into being moral. The quotidian childhood of a Nigerian includes the chronicles of Lawrence Anini, a Benin City thief who bit off his mother’s ear before his execution. The justification was, “If his mother had trained him well, then he would not have been a thief.” Except, that never happened, Anini was an executed bandit but the tale of biting his mother’s ear is untrue.
WHY DO WOMEN LIKE IT?
Humans love giving opinions on crime stories. Biases and ignorance fuel these opinions. So in 2002, when Louis Post-Dispatch reporter Bill Smith took to the newspaper to write a story about the victims of the Video Strangler, it shocked the city that someone could do that for bad women. Someone could humanise them as opposed to saying the usual do not be a prostitute or you will end up like that. He spoke of their lives, their struggles and why they resorted to prostitution to make ends meet.
Modern iterations of true crime stories follow a similar route. I often debunk Ted Bundy’s stories because I know the truth about his victims. Their actions weren’t just a cautionary tale about women following a pretty man. Instead, it is a tragedy about how a man with no lips slaughtered young women.
True crime stories make people uneasy, yet telling uninvestigated stories of tragedies does not, along with perpetuating crime myths. The only problem seems to be in understanding the real case.
EXPLORING ABUJA.
True crime tourism, also known as dark tourism or crime tourism, is a trend where people travel to places associated with infamous crimes or criminals. Everyone partakes in dark tourism, war museums and the exploration of the history of our countries falls under true crime. But Abuja has a nose for financial crimes and things magically burning. In a country where a snake once swallowed 36 million naira and monkeys stole 70 million naira; the stories of theft in Abuja pale in fascination. However, there are a few exciting sites you can check.
- BANEX PLAZA SAGA:
A tale within a tale, whispers on everyone’s lips, I ask for directions, I need to take my laptop from SLOT to a building next to a plaza. The plaza’s name struck a type of fear only found in fiction stories à la Harry Potter villain. “Where you are going is next to Banex, be careful, make sure you’ve updated people on your whereabouts.”
Insane but what is so scary about Banex, well, the lore differs from person to person. “You did not hear? Some boys beat up a soldier at Banex so soldiers retailed and closed it down, now there are soldiers in front, I think they want to open it.” “Someone tried to sell a soldier a fake phone and he caught on and threatened them by closing it.” “Slapped into a coma!” The recurring parts of the gossip involve a fake phone, a soldier who got beat, and soldiers closing the plaza. Only 4 hours in Abuja and I got to witness the reopening of Banex, all because my laptop needed fixing.
- KUJE PRISON BREAK:
It is hard to get in and out of Nnamdi Azikiwe Airport without seeing wanted posters of dozens of criminals, the Kuje prison escapees.
Initially, I put Kuje prison on my must-visit sites, it has been in the news lately because it is where Binance executive, Tigran Gambaryan was placed. It is also the infamous location for the prison break of 879 inmates, including all imprisoned Boko Haram members.
On July 5th, 2022, gunmen believed to be from ISWAP, a Boko Haram splinter group, attacked Kuje prison in Abuja, Nigeria. Overpowering the guards, they facilitated the escape of inmates. However, Kuje prison is described as unsafe to visit by locals.
- A TALE, A GATE AND A MISSING MACE:
Abuja City Gate, one of the city’s most recognisable monuments. It is also the location where the missing Senate’s mace was found.
It was a Wednesday night, the internet says it was on the 18th of April 2018, I never watched the news but I came to the screens to watch a lawmaker, ex-Senator Omo Agege, pull up to the Nigerian Senate with agberos (thugs) to steal the Senate’s mace— A Senate mace is a symbolic ceremonial staff representing the Senate’s authority. He was eventually arrested and the mace was found but wow, it was a spectacle.
Whenever I see the city gate, I remember the story and search for the Senate’s mace.
- MAGICLAND AND THE MAGIC BEHIND:
“I have not been to Magicland since it got its name changed.” Wonderland, it was called. I felt I suffered a Mandela effect in 2022 when I asked to go to Wonderland and everyone looked at me crazy. I have been to Abuja more times than I can count. But I have not been to the amusement park since secondary school. So learning there was no “wonderland” but a “magicland” in its stead was fascinating.
My childhood obsession with Wonderland came when my classmate from Abuja told me about the arrest of ½ of its owners. “You guys should come to Abuja, there is a nice amusement park and the owner was allegedly a terrorist.”
The strangest things fascinate girls but when I came to the Buj, I followed her up on that. A decade later and despite the rebranded Magicland, I can not find the verdict of Mustapha Fawaz, who was arrested in May 2013 on suspicion of being part of a Hizballah foreign terrorist cell. But the U.S. Department of Treasury details their alleged crimes here.
- THE MARKET WITH A FIRE KINK:
“Is somebody gonna match my freak? Is somebody gonna match my freak?” Wuse Market yelled. To its surprise the response it got set its market ablaze. Wuse Market has a way with fire incidents. “You should get a pack of water from Wuse market. My usual shop was burnt in the fire in March.” A fire consuming shops in the market is tragic but a fire consuming the same market twice in two months is quite a coincidence. If you need to make a market run, then you ought to visit it.
- THE HOTTEST TREASURY SINCE HAMILTON:
The hit musical Hamilton taught a generation that sometimes the treasury house can get heated. In the heart of Garki, that got literal as was a fire outbreak at the Treasury House, which is the headquarters of the Office of the Accountant–General of the Federation. ‘Twas the 8th of April 2020 and many found the timing convenient, this includes Grammy-winning artiste, Burnaboy. “Accountant General office has been gutted by fire oh Finance office has been gutted by fire. They have disbursed funds and fire has caught the building.” He said while drawing a comparison to how Nigerians discussed the situation and how they handled Funke Akindele throwing a party a few days earlier.
“We have not lost any record.” FG debunked this theory, Minister of State for Budget and National Planning, Prince Clem Agba assured the public.